{"title":"NEW!","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"pencils-with-low-self-esteem","title":"Pencils with Low Self-Esteem","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eCheer Up, Silly Pencil!\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eLife’s not so bad. There are still plenty of us out there who like you: elementary school kids, golfers, artists, and uhhh… did I say schoolchildren already? But hey, things could be worse. I mean, who wants to be a crayon, right? So hold your head high, humble pencil. You’ll always have a place in our hearts and at our desks… at least until we toss you out.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eI'm Kind of Dull\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eAll Used Up, Nowhere To Go\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eI Bet You'll Throw Me Away One Day\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eEven My Eraser Disappears on Me\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eNever Good Enough for Legal Documents\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eWhat, I'm Not Sharp Enough for You?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eI Know I'm Your No. 2 (Never #1)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eYou're Just Using Me\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861741236470,"sku":"LOW-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_LOW-P.jpg?v=1771269307"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-grammar-police","title":"Pencils for Grammar Police","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eYour Annoying\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAhahaha. It’s so easy to get under your skin. Just wanted to shoot a quick message to let you know how impressed we all are that you finally figured out the difference between your and you’re. Welcome to the grammar club, smarty pants. But as a club member, you now have to quit whining about other people’s grammatical errors. Trust me on this point, you're still making some.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eYou Lost Me at \"Your Beautiful\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e*You're\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eThey're Going There, to Their House, OK?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eSilently Correcting Your Grammar\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003ePunctuation Saves Lives\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eTo Serve and Correct\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eOxford Comma til I Die\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eOfficial Grammar Police Pencil\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861891444982,"sku":"GRA-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_GRA-P.jpg?v=1771263396"},{"product_id":"excuse-pencils-for-introverts","title":"Excuse Pencils for Introverts","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePeople Suck\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eThat’s why you prefer to stay inside with your stuffed animal collection. But sometimes it’s a little hard to admit that in public. So we’ve carefully crafted a few extremely plausible excuses to get you out of all those pesky social obligations. Like happy hour. Your niece’s school play. Office parties. Your wedding.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eSorry, I Have Ebola\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eMy Legs Fell Off This Morning\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eThe Damn Toilet Exploded\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI've Been Abducted By Aliens\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI'm Stuck at the Dubai Airport\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI Accidentally Drank Some Bleach\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eThere's a Wild Boar in the Driveway\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003ePeople Scare Me\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861901832438,"sku":"INT-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_INT-P.jpg?v=1771259699"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-cat-people","title":"Pencils for Cat People","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eHere Kitty, Kitty...\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI have a surpise for youuuu.... Darn it, where are you? Remember that time you told me you wished you could be a little policeman? I’m sure you said that. And I’ve got JUST the costume for that! Come on, kitty, kitty. My Instagram followers are waiting.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eIt's Not Me, My Cat Likes Dressing Up\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eMy Cat Hates You\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eDid Someone Say Free Kittens?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eSend Me Cat Memes So I Know It's Real\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eGrumpy Cat... Never Forget!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e30 Cats is a Nice Round Number\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eWhat's One More Cat?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eWeekend Plans: Cat. Couch. Cocktail\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861903012086,"sku":"CAT-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_CAT-P.jpg?v=1771260375"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-dad-jokes","title":"Pencils for Dad Jokes","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eSo funny I forgot to laugh\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhere in the heck are you and the other dads getting these so-called “jokes” from anyway, Corny Dads Quarterly? I mean, come on now… Does every conversation need a fart reference? Are you all a hive mind? I’m kidding, Dad. I totally respect the dad comedy. You’ve always said that money doesn’t grow on trees, but maybe dad jokes do!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003ePull My Finger\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eThat's How They Get You\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI'm Just Resting My Eyes\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eBoom, You're a Sandwich\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eNo, Your Other Right\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eDon't Tell Your Mom\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eWorkin' Hard or Hardly Workin'?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eHi Hungry, I'm Dad\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861903765750,"sku":"DAD-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_DAD-P.jpg?v=1771260887"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-days-of-the-week","title":"Pencils for Days of the Week","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eWow, What a Concept.\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNo longer do you have an excuse not to use a fresh pencil each and every day! Plus, we’ve even included (at no extra cost) a handy Blursday pencil for those days when you can’t be bothered to figure out what day it actually is. And honestly, if you’re buying these pencils, that’s probably gonna be pretty often.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eCancel Mondays\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eIt's Only Frickin' Tuesday\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eHumpday\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eThirsty Thursday\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eIt's Friday!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eSaturday Vibes\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eSunday Scaries\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eFeels Like Blursday\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861904355574,"sku":"DAY-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_DAY-P.jpg?v=1771261328"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-dog-people","title":"Pencils for Dog People","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eIt Was the Dog, I Swear!\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLook, I don’t know if you know this about my dog, but he’s verrry gassy. So if you get a whiff of anything remotely off, it was the dog, ok? He’s also responsible for the missing cheesecake in the fridge. I don’t know how he does it! The scoundrel.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eWoof.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eCan I Bring My Dog?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eBow Wow Wow Yippy Yo Yippy Yay\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eDogs, Then People\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI Was Talking to the Dog, Not you\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eUsed Up All My Sick Days at the Vet\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eMy Dog is Lonely I Need to Go Home\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eIt Was the Dog, I Swear\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861904847094,"sku":"DOG-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_DOG-P.jpg?v=1771261824"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-first-world-problems","title":"Pencils for First World Problems","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eAwwwww...\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI hear you're having a bad day. First of all, your wifi sucks, so Shameless is totally lagging. Plus, it’s 95 outside but you're shivering under a blanket because the AC is SO freezing, and now your gluten-free muffin was the BEST gluten-free muffin you've ever had until you realized they gave you the one with almonds. And we both know you said NO NUTS.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eThere's No Pamplemousse\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eOMG, The Chipotle Line is Soooo Long\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eIDK What to Bring Because One Person is a Vegan\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eMy Netflix Won't Load\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eThere's Already New iPhone Out\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eThis Pencil Isn't The Color I Wanted\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eMy Ripped Jeans Are Now Too Ripped\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eBut I Want Pumpkin Spice All Year\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861905371382,"sku":"FIR-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_FIR-P_b49abb05-ff02-4031-980c-d6ab30d7ab06.jpg?v=1771262941"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-happy-hour","title":"Pencils for Happy Hour","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePour Me Another, Please.\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAhhh, it’s finally that magical time of the day again: when you can put all your office woes aside and crack open a cold one. Or twelve. Here’s to another chance to find the answers to life’s questions at the bottom of a bottle. So what if it’s only 10 AM, who says happy hour has to start at five, anyway? Just don’t tell Brent from HR, okay?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eA Guy Walks into a Bar\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eEmergency Stir Stick\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003ePowered by: Vodka\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eDon't Talk to Me Before My First Drink\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eAlso Available Sober!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI See Drunk People\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eIt's 10 AM Somewhere\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eBeer Me\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861907402998,"sku":"HAP-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_HAP-P.jpg?v=1771263839"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-lefties","title":"Pencils for Lefties","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eYou're Weird.\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNo, but seriously. Can you just suck it up and start using your right hand like everyone else in the developed world? You’re making us look bad with all your creativity and success. It’s like you’re part of a secret club we can never join. And frankly, the rest of us have the right to feel left out. See what I did there? That’s the best thing a right-hander can come up with. We need you weirdos.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eThe Real Right-Side Up\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eSmudge This!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eThe \"Weird\" Pencil\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eRight-Handed is Too Mainstream for Me\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI Make the Weird Scissors Look Good\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eLefties Get Their Hands Dirty\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eMore Presidents are Lefties\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eLeft-Handed But Always Right\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861908877558,"sku":"LEF-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_-22.jpg?v=1771264273"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-little-white-lies","title":"Pencils for Little White Lies","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eOMG, Crossfit? YES!\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI looooove working out. If I could, I would do it 24\/7. It’s just that I have all these obligations and such since I took that sabbatical from work. Oh, yeah, technically they called it “fired” but I was going to take a creative break anyway. And I LOVE my free time! I mean, I don’t really have any, of course, and that’s why I’m not hitting the gym at the moment...\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI Literally Never Do This\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI Only Have One Glass a Day\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eOMG, I Loooove Working Out\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eNo Really, You Look Amazing\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI Deleted His Number\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI Hate Drama\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI Already Did My Homework\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI Never Lie\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861910745334,"sku":"LIT-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_LIT-P.jpg?v=1771264676"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-midlife-crisis","title":"Pencils for Midlife Crisis","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eWho Says Existential Dread Can't Be Fun?\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eCongratulations, you’ve made it to middle age! All those years of being “financially responsible” means you can finally buy a motorcycle and the bitchin’ leather jacket to match. Or maybe a year-long silent meditation retreat is more your speed. Either way, you’ve earned it, after all. At least that’s what you’re going to tell yourself on the way to surf camp.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI Should Go Back to School\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eSigned Up for Banjo Lessons!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eWhat Do You Think of Botox?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eA Tattoo Sleeve Would Give Me an Edge\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eOff to Improv Camp!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eMy Other Pencil is a Motorcycle\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eI'm So Punk With My Pink Hair\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eBought a Food Truck!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861912416502,"sku":"MIC-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_MIC-P.jpg?v=1771265027"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-nurses","title":"Pencils for Nurses","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eMay I Take Your Order?\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eYou must be completely delusional if you think I’m a waiter, pal. In fact, I could argue that your very existence is at the mercy of my skilled, capable hands right now. So too bad if you don’t like the green Jell-o. Shut your trap and maybe I’ll come back to check on you. Key word: maybe.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eScrub Life\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eI'm Not a Waiter, OK?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eNo, I Didn't Want to Be a Doctor\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eRemember Sitting Down?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eOn Call Sobriety Blues\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eMed School? Try Nursing School\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eI Look Tired Because I Am\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eI Haven't Peed in 12 Hours\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861913596150,"sku":"NUR-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_-09.jpg?v=1771265457"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-okay-moms","title":"Pencils for Okay Moms","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eCongratulations.\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eYou're the world's okayest mom! Please don’t take offense! Face it, perfect moms are the absolute worst, what with their spotless car seats, healthy and organic snacks packed neatly in recyclable containers, and quick-draw first aid kits. Okay moms are where it’s at. Okay moms are where you want to live: sippy cup wine, the five-second rule, and naps that overlap into second naps.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eWhat Kids?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eYay! Cheez-Its for Dinner!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eI Never Did My Homework Either, Kid\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eDoes This Sippy Cup Smell Like Wine?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eTrust Me, I'm the Okayest Mom Here\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eCan't You Just Leave Mommy Alone?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eWhere's Your Frickin' Father?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eMommy's Buzzed Up\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861914022134,"sku":"OKA-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_OKA-P.jpg?v=1771266096"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-procrastinators","title":"Pencils for Procrastinators","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eTwo Weeks.\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eGo ahead, ask me anything. Invariably, the answer will be “two weeks.” Wondering when I’ll get my grades up? Two weeks. Get my grades up and start working out? Two weeks. Get my grades up, start working out, call my dad, visit my Nana in Florida, get married, buy a house, file for divorce, start my own business and run for office? Two weeks, pal. Two. Weeks.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eI Always Work Better When it's Next Week\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eMindless Doodling Pencil\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eI Have to Finish This Netflix Series First\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eI'll Sharpen This Later\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eProcrastinating is Also An Achievement\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eI'll Find a Use for This Pencil Tomorrow\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eLast-Second Crunch Time Pencil\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eI'll Study After I Clean\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861915693302,"sku":"PRO-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_PRO-P.jpg?v=1771266591"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-teachers","title":"Pencils for Teachers","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eIt's a Snow Day Somewhere...\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBut not for you! You have another full day of dealing with other people’s children AND their classroom shenanigans. And it’s not that you don’t love teaching. It’s more that nobody truly appreciates all the garbage you go through just to do your job. Isn’t it time people started thanking YOU for YOUR service?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eIDK, \u003cem\u003eCan\u003c\/em\u003e You Go to The Bathroom?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eI Just Realized I Don't Even Like Kids\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eOh Yeah? Pop Quiz, Suckas\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eI Have PTSD from Grading Papers\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eDon't You Dare Say \"Wikipedia\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eThankless Tasks Pencil\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eCountdown to Summer Break\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eDinner... Or Classroom Supplies?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861918511350,"sku":"TEA-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_TEA-P.jpg?v=1771266999"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-the-middle-child","title":"Pencils for The Middle Child","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eWho Are You, Again?\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan face=\"verdana, geneva, sans-serif\" style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan face=\"verdana, geneva, sans-serif\"\u003eThe only thing worse than being unnoticed is still being unnoticed when your hair is neon pink and you dress like you’re in the Matrix. Um, hello? Being the first child ain’t all that. The only people who think so are #1. My older sibling and #2. My dumb parents. And I haven’t even gotten to the part about the (cry)baby of the family. Ay caramba.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWho Are You Again?\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMatches the Hair Color\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYou Never Did Like Attention\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBut You're Good with Rejection!\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eOnline College Will Be Fine for You\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-Me-Down Pencil\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eEternally Overlooked\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNobody Will Read This\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861919527158,"sku":"MID-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_MID-P.jpg?v=1771267701"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-the-office","title":"Pencils for The Office","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eOh, Cool.\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan face=\"verdana, geneva, sans-serif\" style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan face=\"verdana, geneva, sans-serif\"\u003eIt’s Monday again. Feels like I just clocked out. Know what I love about Mondays? Nothing. In fifteen minutes, I’ll be sleeping with my eyes open for an hour-long meeting about employee morale followed by a “surprise” birthday cake and card everyone half-heartedly signs while doing a slow eye-roll. Which is the same eye-roll I’ll be making when I read it, ‘cuz it’s my birthday and even that won’t fix a Monday.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTry Turning It Off and On Again\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI Found This in the Toilet\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIt's Hard to Make New Coffee\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI'll Probably Quit Today\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eComic Sans Kills\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThat's What She Said\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eResting Staff Meeting Face\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861920706806,"sku":"OFF-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_OFF-P.jpg?v=1771267987"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-the-passive-aggressive","title":"Pencils for The Passive Aggressive","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eIt's Fine.\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan face=\"verdana, geneva, sans-serif\" style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan face=\"verdana, geneva, sans-serif\"\u003eI mean, if you want, I can write an essay detailing the extent to which I’m fine. I’ll even laminate the cover if you need me to do that, too. I don’t mind at all. If that’s what you need to prove that I’m fine, I’ll do it. Heck, I might even make it a book, find a publisher and go on \u003ci\u003eEllen\u003c\/i\u003e to promote the release, proving how fine I am. I mean if that’s what you need. I’ll do it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThat's So Nice for You\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNever Mind, It Wasn't that Important\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI'm Sorry You're so Sensitive\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI Prefer Pens, But This is Fine\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWhat Grudge?\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI'm Not Mad\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWhatever.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e*Turns Read Receipts On*\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861923295478,"sku":"PAS-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_PAS-P.jpg?v=1771268169"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-truth","title":"Pencils for Truth","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eI'm A Fake Vegan.\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan face=\"verdana, geneva, sans-serif\" style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan face=\"verdana, geneva, sans-serif\"\u003eHey, wouldn’t it be nice if people just told the truth every once in a while? I mean, nobody wants to hear that Susan thinks your baby is weird looking, but does she have to go on and on about how ADORABLE he is, only to snicker with the entire Human Resources department behind your back? Susan, Susan, Susan. Just wait til you have a baby.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI Secretly Eat Bacon\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI Don't Really Love Your Shoes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI'm Never Truly Sober\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI Farted at Yoga\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI Thought Planking Was a Fish\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI Spellcheck my Sexts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eI've Worn the Same Pants All Week\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYour Baby is Ugly\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861924016374,"sku":"TRU-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_TRU-P.jpg?v=1771268411"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-writers-block","title":"Pencils for Writer's Block","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eTired of Feeling Like a Bone-Dry Hack?\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eSo the wordsmith’s well has run dry? Try this pack of Writer’s Block pencils. If these pencils don’t help you churn out regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire, I’ll eat my hat. It’s a fedora, by the way. Cool vampires wear fedoras now. Put that in your crack pipe and smoke it. Or in your book. Either way, you’re gonna need these pencils ASAP. Even crap won’t write itself.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\" data-mce-style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eAdd a Vampire\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eRegurgitated Ideas Pencil\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eTry Vodka\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eKill Your Characters\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eLightly Plagiarize\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eInsert Coffee IV\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003ePotential Murder Weapon?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eHit Head Repeatedly With a Hammer\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861924376822,"sku":"WRI-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_WRI-P.jpg?v=1771268617"},{"product_id":"pencils-for-zero-fucks-old","title":"Pencils for Zero Fucks","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv id=\"product_description\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eNo Fucks.\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eWe hear you. You're so over it you can't even. This newly-concocted bad attitude is just what the doctor ordered! Plus, none of us really liked it when you were just a simple, caring, average Joe. So kudos to you! Even though you couldn't give a F. We know. Fresh out.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePencils:\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eSo Fucking What?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eSo Fucking What?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eSo Fucking What?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eSo Fucking What?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eSo Fucking What?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eSo Fucking What?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eSo Fucking What?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif;\"\u003eSo Fucking What?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44861924475126,"sku":"ZER-P","price":12.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_PENCILS_BROWN_SMALLSQUARE_ZER-P.jpg?v=1771268857"},{"product_id":"luck-hidden-fortune-candles","title":"Luck Hidden Fortune Candles","description":"\u003ch4\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eJust like a real fortune cookie, the fortune is a complete surprise!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eWe love Chinese food and all, but honestly the best part is the fortune cookie. And since Veggie Lo Mein is now off-limits–Atkins, man–we had the boys in the lab cook these babies up instead. Through the ancient science of heat and light, your fortune will appear as the candle burns. Confucius\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e said, “Better to light one small candle than curse the darkness.” Smart guy.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCloseout. Sold as-is.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eDuo-wick soy wax candle with heat-sensitive label.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45172876214518,"sku":"4-LUC","price":13.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_FORTUNE_CANDLES_9.4.23_WEB-2.jpg?v=1772905689"},{"product_id":"dash-of-profanity-hidden-fortune-candles","title":"Dash of Profanity Hidden Fortune Candles","description":"\u003ch4\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eJust like a real fortune cookie, the fortune is a complete surprise!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eWe love Chinese food and all, but honestly the best part is the fortune cookie. And since Veggie Lo Mein is now off-limits–Atkins, man–we had the boys in the lab cook these babies up instead. Through the ancient science of heat and light, your fortune will appear as the candle burns. Confucius\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e said, “Better to light one small candle than curse the darkness.” Smart guy.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCloseout. Sold as-is.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eDuo-wick soy wax candle with heat-sensitive label.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45172876247286,"sku":"4-PRF","price":13.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_FORTUNE_CANDLES_9.4.23_WEB-8.jpg?v=1723747735"},{"product_id":"social-hidden-fortune-candles","title":"Social Hidden Fortune Candles","description":"\u003ch4\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eJust like a real fortune cookie, the fortune is a complete surprise!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eWe love Chinese food and all, but honestly the best part is the fortune cookie. And since Veggie Lo Mein is now off-limits–Atkins, man–we had the boys in the lab cook these babies up instead. Through the ancient science of heat and light, your fortune will appear as the candle burns. Confucius\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e said, “Better to light one small candle than curse the darkness.” Smart guy.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCloseout. Sold as-is.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eDuo-wick soy wax candle with heat-sensitive label.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45172876345590,"sku":"4-SOC","price":13.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_FORTUNE_CANDLES_9.4.23_WEB-7.jpg?v=1723747476"},{"product_id":"capricorn-sexy-zodiac-candles","title":"Capricorn Sexy Zodiac Candle","description":"\u003cp\u003eDiscover the Capricorn power of the Sexy Zodiac Candle! Feel the passionate energy fill your sex dungeon with a captivating blend of sensuality and mystery. Let the Capricorn energy ignite passion and pleasure!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"UTF-8\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCloseout. Sold as-is.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"UTF-8\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSexy Zodiac Candles:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSoy wax candles. Vessel size: 3 ½″ H × 3 ¼″ D. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBurn time: 40 hours.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNet weight: 9 ounces. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e© 2023 Whiskey River Soap Co.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45172876378358,"sku":"CAP-X","price":11.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_SEXY_ZODIAC_BROWN_SMALL_SQUARE-06.jpg?v=1723650505"},{"product_id":"aquarius-sexy-zodiac-candles","title":"Aquarius Sexy Zodiac Candle","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis Aquarius Sexy Zodiac Candle is perfect for expressing your sign's personality. It's perfect for teacher role play, keeping things sultry and seductive. Perfectly designed for Aquarius, light it up and keep things hot!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"UTF-8\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCloseout. Sold as-is.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"UTF-8\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSexy Zodiac Candles:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSoy wax candles. Vessel size: 3 ½″ H × 3 ¼″ D. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBurn time: 40 hours.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNet weight: 9 ounces. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e© 2023 Whiskey River Soap Co.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45172876443894,"sku":"AQU-X","price":11.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_SEXY_ZODIAC_BROWN_SMALL_SQUARE-04.jpg?v=1723650457"},{"product_id":"pisces-sexy-zodiac-candles","title":"Pisces Sexy Zodiac Candle","description":"\u003cp\u003eLight the Pisces Sexy Zodiac Candle and turn your night into a sultry adventure with \"couple swapping\" inspired play. Your pisces zodiac sign will set the mood for a naughty night!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"UTF-8\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCloseout. Sold as-is.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"UTF-8\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSexy Zodiac Candles:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSoy wax candles. Vessel size: 3 ½″ H × 3 ¼″ D. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBurn time: 40 hours.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNet weight: 9 ounces. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e© 2023 Whiskey River Soap Co.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45172876509430,"sku":"PIS-X","price":11.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_SEXY_ZODIAC_BROWN_SMALL_SQUARE-08.jpg?v=1723650672"},{"product_id":"aries-sexy-zodiac-candles","title":"Aries Sexy Zodiac Candle","description":"\u003cp\u003eLight the Aries Sexy Zodiac Candle for an intensely athletic and seductive experience. The combination of exotic essential oils and aries scented wax create a magical atmosphere of passion and pleasure.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"UTF-8\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCloseout. Sold as-is.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"UTF-8\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSexy Zodiac Candles:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSoy wax candles. Vessel size: 3 ½″ H × 3 ¼″ D. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBurn time: 40 hours.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNet weight: 9 ounces. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e© 2023 Whiskey River Soap Co.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45172876574966,"sku":"ARI-X","price":11.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_SEXY_ZODIAC_BROWN_SMALL_SQUARE-05.jpg?v=1723650472"},{"product_id":"taurus-sexy-zodiac-candles","title":"Taurus Sexy Zodiac Candle","description":"\u003cp\u003eLight up your night with Taurus Sexy Zodiac Candle. Crafted with an intriguing blend of essential oils, this specific candle is designed to be charged with energy from the sign of Taurus. Allow the tantalizing aromas to elevate your senses and provide you with an alluring atmosphere.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"UTF-8\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCloseout. Sold as-is.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"UTF-8\"\u003e \u003cspan\u003eSexy Zodiac Candles:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSoy wax candles. 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Sold as-is.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eDuo-wick soy wax candle with heat-sensitive label.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45172881588470,"sku":"4-ADU","price":13.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_FORTUNECANDLES_BROWNBLACKLABEL_SMALLSQUARE_-2.jpg?v=1772905515"},{"product_id":"ancient-wisdom-hidden-fortune-candles","title":"Ancient Wisdom Hidden Fortune Candles","description":"\u003ch4\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eJust like a real fortune cookie, the fortune is a complete surprise!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eWe love Chinese food and all, but honestly the best part is the fortune cookie. And since Veggie Lo Mein is now off-limits–Atkins, man–we had the boys in the lab cook these babies up instead. Through the ancient science of heat and light, your fortune will appear as the candle burns. Confucius\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e said, “Better to light one small candle than curse the darkness.” Smart guy.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCloseout. Sold as-is.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eDuo-wick soy wax candle with heat-sensitive label.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45172881654006,"sku":"4-ANC","price":13.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_FORTUNECANDLES_9.4.23_WEB-1.jpg?v=1772905609"},{"product_id":"career-hidden-fortune-candles","title":"Career Hidden Fortune Candles","description":"\u003ch4\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eJust like a real fortune cookie, the fortune is a complete surprise!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eWe love Chinese food and all, but honestly the best part is the fortune cookie. And since Veggie Lo Mein is now off-limits–Atkins, man–we had the boys in the lab cook these babies up instead. Through the ancient science of heat and light, your fortune will appear as the candle burns. Confucius\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003e said, “Better to light one small candle than curse the darkness.” Smart guy.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCloseout. Sold as-is.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: verdana,geneva,sans-serif;\"\u003eDuo-wick soy wax candle with heat-sensitive label.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45172881719542,"sku":"4-CAR","price":13.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0742\/1555\/files\/WRS_FORTUNECANDLES_9.4.23_WEB-4.jpg?v=1772905658"}],"url":"https:\/\/www.whiskeyriversoap.com\/collections\/new.oembed?page=14","provider":"Whiskey River Soap Co.","version":"1.0","type":"link"}